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World Cup Fans
Thursday, 03 December 2009 08:12 Written by Ned Kelly The opening installment of our World Cup Fanzone, where we catch up with Shanghai-based fans of each nation to find out about their loves and loathes, expectations for the summer, highs and lows from yesteryear, what they'll be singing and where they'll be singing it, and which of their heroes is ultimately going to blow it. Kicking off proceedings is our very own sports editor, Ned Kelly. FIFA World Ranking: 9th Our finest hour: It doesn’t matter if you were born in 1946 or 1996, indelibly etched in every England fan’s mind is the heroics of 1966 - that Geoff Hurst hattrick and a 4-2 victory over fiercest rivals Germany in the World Cup Final at Wembley. We don’t care that the third goal was controversial; in fact, it makes it all the more sweet. Would you all raise your glasses in a toast to the Russian linesman!
      ENGLAND: perennial underachieversSo they won it in 1966, that was 44 years ago, shut up already!
1/6     We don’t want to talk about it: As with most sides, there have been many such moments. But nothing stung quite like the semi-final defeat to Germany in 1990. Waddle hitting the woodwork, Gazza’s tears and outplaying our old enemy only to be dumped out on penalties. This has been difficult write… Where we’ll be watching it: Anywhere we think there’ll be supporters of the team we’re playing against as a general rule; we love a bit of banter and to out-sing our opposition. Think the big boys - O’Malley’s and The Big Bamboo. And a word to the wise - I wouldn’t advise being around us when we win. We are unbearably smug, ingracious victors, preferring to rub our defeated foes noses in it in for hours, weeks, months and years after the actual event. Germany fans, two words for you: five-one. Who we hate: Let it never be said that England are a nation who will be rushed into forgiving and forgetting. Our biggest rivals are Germany and Argentina, two nations our collective consciousness remembers, er… going to war with. What an unreconstructed rabble we are. Things have not been helped by penalty heartache and Maradona’s ‘hand of god’. Great player he may have been: we f*#king hate him. And we don’t need to tell you where we’d like to shove his porky little fist… Sing your hearts out for the lads: Once the beer has been flowing and the booze has drained our brain cells back into caveman mode you will inevitably here the monotone, chest-beating, no-one-likes-us-and-we-don’t-care refrain of “ING-UR-LAND, ING-UR-LAND, ING-UR-LAND…” (repeat ad nauseam) and the themes of The Dam Busters and The Great Escape can be heard at almost every game (that’ll be the old war connection again then). But we also have few tuneful and humorous ditties on our hymn sheet. We challenge you to name a better football rap that John Barnes' on New Order’s 1990 Love’s Got The World In Motion or a more joyful celebration of our multicultural nation that Fat Les’ 1998 Vindaloo, while Baddiel, Skinner and The Lightning Seeds Three Lions is simply the greatest football song ever written. Fact. Many a country has ripped it off, but it’s ours. OURS! Got that? Star Man: It has to be Shrek himself, Wayne Rooney. The boy-wonder man-child has scored 25 goals in 55 appearances for the Three Lions and without him we simply aren’t the same proposition. Let’s hope he can keep a lid on that temper though - his 2006 World Cup campaign was ended prematurely by a red card. One to Watch: This time last year we probably would have said Theo Walcott, but he’s only managed 5 games so far this season and has looked decidedly average in them, so this’ll be his look-alike Aaron Lennon. A pocket rocket (he is the smallest player in the Premiership yet one of the fastest) the winger has scored three and set up six in his eleven games so far this season. Fingers crossed he can take that form onto the greatest stage of all. Bad Boy: This honor goes to hardman centreback captain John Terry, not so much for his own behaviour but that of his Ma and Pa. Mother Sue was recently arrested and cautioned for shoplifting after being caught with GBP800 of clothes and groceries from Tesco and Marks & Spencer, while father Ted has been caught on camera selling cocaine in a swanky wine bar. So as for Terry himself being arrested and charged with affray and wounding with intent following a fracas at a club, well, we blame the parents. Having said all this, he has picked up a very bad habit of crying when we lose big games. Cut that shit out John, it’s not British. Boy Blunder: We can see Rio Ferdinand sending it into row Z in a penalty shoot-out (and then in some way financially capitalizing on it) or Glen Johnson scything down a centreforward in the dying seconds of a knockout phase game, but the smart money is on one man only: David "Calamity" James. Flapping unsuccessfully at a corner, bullishly charging out at an oncoming strikers feet or simply letting it though his legs - the more we think about this one, the more of an air of inevitability there seems about it. Heart Throb: Who else but professional poseur, sex symbol spice boy and booming brand David Beckham? One of the most recognizable faces on the face of the planet and hailed as the ultimate “metrosexual” man, according to Google, "David Beckham" was searched for more than any other sports topic on their site in 2003 and 2004. Not just for sport either, methinks. So what are our chances: We’re not under the illusion we’re on the same level as Brazil or Spain, but we ain’t too far off them either. So with a bit of luck there’s no reason we can’t go all the way, especially since the draw for the initial group stages has been rather favorable to say the least. Comments (2)
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My one to watch would be Joe Cole, the Chelsea boy will be back in there and fresher than the others with a point to prove.
Bad boy... Either Rooney getting caught with a South African granny or Ashley Young doing his Youtube shuffle again in his hotel room.
Heart Throb: Crouchy. No question.